Part 4. Love
In that ceremony Ayahuasca taught me to love. At first I was learning to feel love in my body. Infront of the centre of my chest there was a big cristal which was sparkling with a bright pink color and from there it was spreading throughout the whole body. Then I was learning to melt down the boders of my body. A powerful stream of light was coming from the centre of my chest and I was learnning to open it sidewards, like a bud turning into a flower, and to fill the whole space with that light. The borders of the body vanished and whatever the light could rich became a part of the real me.
This very light sets in motion the dance of life in our world. It‘s kept in every little sead which grows into a big plant. It can be called the potential which develops our life. It isn’t the motion itself but any movement without it is useless. Moreover, the source of the love light is unexhaustible. I felt a great necessity to lighten everything that surrounded me and I could see the more energy I was giving the more energy was coming. When I stopped giving the energy the source died away, the body closed and the borders appeared again.
I lightened and filled with love a lot
of situations and places. The desets were turned into paradise
gardens, those who were at fued calmed down, the wars stopped. My
love even lightened the death, although it seemed impossible at the
beginnig, so I could see the death making room for a new life which
conduced the development of the world. I understood if there was
something in the world which seemed imperfect, it was of no use to
hate it. Love is the only thing which can change the world.
Love is the only thing which makes the development possible while all the other emotions destroy. The bigger was the current that passed through me, the more bliss I could feel.
A jaguar came, he sat behind me and started purring. A powerful stream of light was coming from the centre of his chest and piercing my back. I realized I could send the same stream of light from the centre of my chest towards the jaguar’s back. Then a kind of a circle was formed and the light started passing through the two of us.
Later I noticed if the borders of my body had melted down it wasn’t necessary for me to be kept within my body. I could be everywhere. I experienced being different living creatures, plants, animals and people. It’s impossible to describe the emotions when you watch the world being a snake. It's absolutely different from the way people perceive the world.
I was the whole mankind and found out that it was an integrated organism. I was the whole planet Earth with all its inhabitants and it was also an integrated organism. I was examining it as if I were a fashion monger wearing a new outfit who was admiring herself and turning around infront of the mirror. I percieved that our world was an unbelievably beautiful, complicated and perfect organism and I was that world. I was thrilled, I felt admiration and reverence. I was filled with a pure bright joy which was the very love. It was born from percepting the integrity of everything and knowing that I was any object in the world and the world itself.
Love was coming out from my chest and everything it touched became me. It let me be aware of the integrity which at the same time was the source of love. My physical body was lying on the bed while I could find myself in different places outside my house. I knew I could be in every place because I already existed everywhere.
The next day a real miracle happened to me. I was lying in my hamac when I saw a huge cockroach the size of two thirds of my palm insolently appear in the middle of my house. It stopped and started moving his whiskers as if mocking at me. I took a mop and tried to kick it out but it was running in circles around the house not willing to go away. At last I got furious and decided not to fuss about and just to sweep it out. I swept it out and all of a sudden there was a lizard instead while the cockroach was slowly climbing the wall half a meter away from that place.
It looked as if the lizard had come from inside the mop. It was still and paid no attention to me although I was watching it from different sides and tapping my fingers infront of it. I thought it was dead but theh I noticed its throat was moving so it was breathing. It was so beautiful and graceful. I was admiring it as if it were a miracle and love started filling me like the previous night during the ceremony of Ayahuasca.
I felt pity for the cockroach as it hadn’t done any harm to me while I wanted to get rid of it. So I decided to leave it in peace and went back to the hamac. The cockroach slowly and confidently went around the house for a while as if deliberately testing me. At first I was suspiciously watching it willing to get it out but then I tried to sense our integrity and even to love it. At the end it wasn’t disgusting for me any more and I even felt tenderness. The lizard made some noise in the corner hunting for somebody and then disappeared.
Part 5. Sense of life
17. Jun. 2019
Ayahuasca – my first experience. One month with a shaman in Peruvian jungle
15. Dec. 2018
Part 1. The first trip to the knowledge and the experience of death
15. Dec. 2018
Part 2. Getting rid of the fears and the arrangement of the world
15. Dec. 2018
Part 3. Transformation
15. Dec. 2018
Part 4. Love
14. Dec. 2018